How Can I Stop People Spoiling Avengers: Infinity War For Me?
(Wikipedia)

Ultron? Pfft. Thanos? Bah! The real Avengers villains here are people who can’t keep their mouths shut.

I recently had Avengers: Infinity War spoiled for me by a very good friend who doesn’t even know they did it. Like most situations where I become disappointed by my friends, it was via a Facebook meme. It made me wonder, “How can I stop people spoiling Avengers: Infinity War for me?”

Is there a solution to this issue?

There indeed is – but you probably won’t like it.

Spoiler-free!
I like movies like I like my cars – without spoilers, thanks. (Saints Row: The Third)

Research and Destroy?

Avengers: Infinity War was released on April 23rd. As of writing, this means that the movie’s not even a month old and it’s already been spoiled for me.

Now, I don’t know what you folks think that writing is, but it’s mostly ‘research and finding legally-allowed pictures’. For instance, I spend maybe 20% of my time on these articles actually writing – that’s the nature of the beast.

I mention this only because I had to risk more spoilers just to find out when it was released. I had to go to the Wikipedia page for Avengers: Infinity War, and make sure that my eyes went to the far right – and only the far right – of the screen.

“So what?” I hear you say, dear reader, because I’m a telepathic superhero or whatever. “Just don’t look at the spoilery parts.”

And that’s great advice!

In fact, that’s exactly what I did.

But that doesn’t help me on Facebook or anywhere else, does it?

SPOILER ALERT
SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE FROM SPOILERS! (Saints Row: The Third)

Am I Going To Need to Pull A Fallout 4 Again?

I was pumped, all those years ago, when Fallout 4 was announced.

However, I knew that I didn’t want the Fallout 4 story spoiled for me – but I also wanted to find out information about it.

Because it was pre-bought (a habit which I no longer indulge), I’d be able to play it the day it dropped.

The idea was simple: Follow the game until launch, enact an online blackout, and then play through the game until I finished the story – at which point I would rejoin the online world.

About two weeks before the game dropped, my graphics card died. When the game dropped, I still went into a hardcore media blackout.

I no longer used Facebook and refused to go to YouTube for any reason whatsoever. I also avoided using Google as much as possible. I used Google four times during that period.

Which is fine for two weeks or so.

But it was six months before I was able to buy another GFX card.

SPOILER ALERT
THE MAIN CHARACTER WHO HUNTS SPOILERS MAY BE A SPOILER HIMSELF! (Saints Row: The Third)

The Solution That You Won’t Like

Six months with no Facebook. No YouTube. No Google. The only time I used the internet was when I checked my emails and logged into Steam. I couldn’t play any online games because people would talk about things like ‘the new Fallout game’.

However, slowly, the time passed and I eventually had the opportunity to rejoin the online world.

The problem was that the storyline I wrote in my head was far superior to the actual ‘storyline’ (pfft) that Fallout 4 vomited upon us all, so all of that time was completely and utterly wasted anyway.

So that’s the solve: Forgo all online contact.

No, it’s not ideal, and it may not even be realistic for some of us.

But it does work!

It’s also the only solution (that I could think of) that doesn’t involve bossing other people around.

SPOILER ALERT
NO – *I* AM YOUR SPOILER! (Saints Row: The Third)

I Have No Empathy For Others And I Must Scream About This Thing I Watched

If I get The Crying Game or The Sixth Sense spoiled, that’s on me because they’ve been out for a very long time, which means I’ve had a very long time to get around to it.

But spoiling something which has only been out for a month?

Well, that takes a fresh kind of mindlessness, doesn’t it?

Not evilness, not trollishness, and not even bad-faith complacency.

Just mindlessness.

Before I finish up here, I’d like to be 100% clear on something: I’m not asking anyone to modify their behaviour. I’m only asking them to question if it’s in-line with their own ethics.

Now – I understand that you saw a thing and you want to talk about it with other people.

So why not talk about it with people that have already seen it?

Why force it on people who are too busy, or too poor, or hate crowds, or are morally against piracy (don’t get me started on that), or whatever?

Why is your need to talk about it more important than our need not to hear about it? What makes your needs so much more important than ours? Why not make a facebook group to discuss it if it’s so damned important?

SPOILER ALERT
HE WAS ON EARTH THE WHOLE TIME! (Saints Row: The Third)

Speaking plainly, knowing the story means you’re privileged to certain information that others aren’t.

I propose that ‘knowing the story’ is a great chance for ALL of us, regardless of race, religion, or some other third thing to practice ‘checking our privilege’.

Because if we can’t get it right here, on things that don’t really impact us, not really – then how can we do it when we actually need to?

***

PS: You may have noticed that I used pictures of cars from Saints Row: The Third for the ‘spoiler’ gag, and also to avoid possible Avengers: Infinity War spoilers.

There’s another reason I did that: The two contests.

WIN the opportunity to tell me what film, TV (inc streaming services), gaming, or tech topic to write about for one article! So, if both are won, then I’ll be writing two in total, probably for different people.

Contest 1: Simply tell me what movies I’m referring to in the captions, starting from the one about Soylent Green.
Contest 2: Tell me the name of every location the pictures are taken from ingame. PROTIP: If you’ve finished SR:TT then you’ve seen them all.

To enter, simply send your answers to [email protected]

Replying to a Facebook share won’t do – remember, some people may not have seen these movies and we don’t want to spoil it for them!

If you enjoyed this article, why not check out this one about the true origins of Iron Man by the same author? Or maybe this SPOILER-FREE (THANK YOU) review of Deadpool 2? Or, if you just like film, then why not check out this great article about Citizen Kane?

Liam Padmore, sometimes referred to as the duck-billed platypus, is a semiaquatic egg-laying mammal endemic to eastern Australia, including Tasmania.